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Thread: ??? DEPRESSION

  1. #1
    LTG AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Post ??? DEPRESSION

    The body I live in makes funny sounds today I cannot control.

    We watch movies with heroes and believe we can do WTF as well as them.

    I see me as a hero (most do that).
    I did good and never wavered. In my life I set the rules for me and never took a step back. Some here are the same - SD comes to mind.



    DEPRESSION

    I am deep into it all right now.
    I have experience with it, more than many and not because I am old.
    It takes away all.
    I cannot explain it.


    I understand that nothing in my life will ever affect me as much as experience from my past.
    I tend to wear that as a badge as I understand I am different. That thought shames me.


    That does not mean I feel less. In fact, things now open up old wounds that will never heal, and brings them up as fresh as ever.

    Real depression is when you cannot even talk or do WTF. All in life is trivial. In '79 my body failed and I was ~
    It was not an option or something a super hero could deal with.


    Have you experienced that. On the surface it seems impossible and then ~

    Have you ever gone completely helpless? I have. It is not about how tuff you are. It is not about fighting back or hanging with a "shrink".

    It hit me in '79 and made me tougher than you as I did not die.

    The day after Thanksgiving this year I was hit hard, and to my surprise - just locked up like a helpless idiot.

    I believed me to be above all that.

    Grief hits us all. I loved my Pop and my Mom. They were unusual as always they took my side and did all they could to protect me, encourage me and keep me moving forward when I stumbled. They loved me, and me them with no reservation. From what I read these days that is rare? When they died, it was very hard on me, but paled as to now. I did not loose the ability to interact with the World when they died. I don't mean forever, ~ obviously I am OK now.

    My Parents would tell me it is the way of the World. Mom would hold my head and Pop would share his strength.
    Rosey is gone.

    That seems trivial to some but is more than I can bear.

    Over the years I have been able to turn Christmas into a plus, not an additional weight.
    Still, I am on the deck in the dark with no tunes.

    Depression hits us all.
    Rich people make a big deal of it (all of them claim it for the pity factor) and visit all types of professionals and charlatons who rip them off. They can afford it, so no harm - no foul.

    Common folk just get up and go to work as there is no other choice.
    No matter how much one may be hurting, people will be counting on you to do what you do as a husband, father, friend, co-worker, etc, WTF?

    I don't mean people on drugs, just common folk.

    I thank all of you for being here for me right now.
    I crank up the 'puter and friends are ~

    My best friend is gone. I break to tears from time to time during these days.
    Everything is OK one minute and then I ----

    In cry and cannot control it.


    I am a strong man, not a weak one. I hurt and cannot control my emotions.
    This is not a burden. In time it will sort.
    I kinda enjoy intense emotions as to Rosey .
    All this selfish crap is about me and --- how sad is that?

  2. #2
    CPT TNRabbit R.I.P.'s Avatar
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    Damn, Bill. Sorry to hear about Rosey. Few will ever have a friend as great as a good dog, and Rosey was a GOOD DOG.

    It means little to you now, but perhaps at some point you will be able to rejoice in the time you spent with her & not linger on her absence....

    RIP Rosey.






  3. #3
    LTG AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Good -thanks Gary.

    I am not trying to forget but to remember.

  4. #4
    SFC TOAD's Avatar
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    Mom and Pop are still with us.

    They gave us the strength to endure.
    The example they set is the anchor of our lives.
    Their love for us and ours for them will last forever.

    Remember the happy times and let the rest go.


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    Mom and Dad would not want you be sad at Christmas!!

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    I do feel your pain.

    I have heard somewhere, that a hug can say what words cannot.
    This whole post is meant to be a big hug from me.


    *** HUG***
    "And that's all I have to say about that."

  5. #5
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    Sorry about Rosey, Bill. Guess that's the "bad" (losing them) that comes with all the "good" that they bring to our lives.

    Natural B vitamins (NOT from dead sources like petroleum by products that will damage DNA) are used to successfully treat ~90% of all clinical depression cases in Europe.....FYI. Helped/helps me immensely... Helps with the "coping" part, but not so much the natural sadness parts of life, of course.

  6. #6
    Registered Users Snoop65's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss Bill

  7. #7
    SGM
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    Bill, I feel for you man. Sorry about Rosey. I dread the time I'll have to go through what you're going through when my old dog Smokey's time is up. Hang in there. I wish I could help.

  8. #8
    SGT Cring08's Avatar
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    Oh man, I am so sorry Bill!

    try to focus on all of the good times you had together, and all of the joy you brought each other.

    also, in my opinion, there are soooo many animals in the shelters, go rescue one that needs a loving home. You cant replace Rosie, but you can bring help to an animal that needs someon. You may find you need them too!

  9. #9
    SGM
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    Well said. If this was facebook I would give it a "like".

  10. #10
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    Sorry to hear about your faithful companion. I have a few dogs, love them more than I do most people. Having to bury some of them have been the hardest tasks of my life. You have my sincerest sympathy on your loss.

  11. #11
    LTG AgentOrange's Avatar
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    Thanks.
    I have another dog (Tubby) and 2 cats.
    Don't need to fill a gap.

    Rosey was not a pet. I don't think we were actually even "two" separate beings. We only took up the space of one. We just hung out for ten years and no words were needed. Rosey was not a pet.


    It was not a shock as she had cancer for about two years. I did all I could to make those years as good as possible. I have experience there with my son. Calhoun also had limited time -- all were good times.

    Rosey was not a dog or a person, she was my friend.

    Thanks Guys.

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