The body I live in makes funny sounds today I cannot control.

We watch movies with heroes and believe we can do WTF as well as them.

I see me as a hero (most do that).
I did good and never wavered. In my life I set the rules for me and never took a step back. Some here are the same - SD comes to mind.



DEPRESSION

I am deep into it all right now.
I have experience with it, more than many and not because I am old.
It takes away all.
I cannot explain it.


I understand that nothing in my life will ever affect me as much as experience from my past.
I tend to wear that as a badge as I understand I am different. That thought shames me.


That does not mean I feel less. In fact, things now open up old wounds that will never heal, and brings them up as fresh as ever.

Real depression is when you cannot even talk or do WTF. All in life is trivial. In '79 my body failed and I was ~
It was not an option or something a super hero could deal with.


Have you experienced that. On the surface it seems impossible and then ~

Have you ever gone completely helpless? I have. It is not about how tuff you are. It is not about fighting back or hanging with a "shrink".

It hit me in '79 and made me tougher than you as I did not die.
The day after Thanksgiving this year I was hit hard, and to my surprise - just locked up like a helpless idiot.

I believed me to be above all that.

Grief hits us all. I loved my Pop and my Mom. They were unusual as always they took my side and did all they could to protect me, encourage me and keep me moving forward when I stumbled. They loved me, and me them with no reservation. From what I read these days that is rare? When they died, it was very hard on me, but paled as to now. I did not loose the ability to interact with the World when they died. I don't mean forever, ~ obviously I am OK now.

My Parents would tell me it is the way of the World. Mom would hold my head and Pop would share his strength.
Rosey is gone.

That seems trivial to some but is more than I can bear.

Over the years I have been able to turn Christmas into a plus, not an additional weight.
Still, I am on the deck in the dark with no tunes.

Depression hits us all.
Rich people make a big deal of it (all of them claim it for the pity factor) and visit all types of professionals and charlatons who rip them off. They can afford it, so no harm - no foul.

Common folk just get up and go to work as there is no other choice.
No matter how much one may be hurting, people will be counting on you to do what you do as a husband, father, friend, co-worker, etc, WTF?

I don't mean people on drugs, just common folk.

I thank all of you for being here for me right now.
I crank up the 'puter and friends are ~

My best friend is gone. I break to tears from time to time during these days.
Everything is OK one minute and then I ----

In cry and cannot control it.


I am a strong man, not a weak one. I hurt and cannot control my emotions.
This is not a burden. In time it will sort.
I kinda enjoy intense emotions as to Rosey .
All this selfish crap is about me and --- how sad is that?